Thirteen Things about ...
Driving to California with your 2 Teenage Children

1. Your daughter, age 18, can drive the entire trip.

2. Your son, age 14 (with his learner's permit) can offer to drive the entire trip.

3. You sit in the backseat and smile because it's your daughter and not you (face tense, eyes wide, and fingers - white from clenching onto the seat) instructing your 14-year-old son while he drives.

4. Your son gets bored after 40 miles of driving in Nebraska and pulls over on the interstate as semi-trucks whiz by, so close and so fast, they shake the little Kia you are sitting in

5. Your daughter swears, and then she swears your son will never drive her car again becuase he drove for hours. She swears again that those 40 miles were the longest of her life.

6. You sit in the backseat and read your online graduate class assignment, or pretend to read it, while your teenage childen argue, and your 18-year-old daughter drives because you always get a headache when they argue, and your teenage children always scare you when they drive.

7. When you pull off the interstate for gas it costs twice as much to fill up as the last time you drove to California, but you hand your daughter a fifty and get ready to sleep, or try to sleep, because it's almost dark and your teenage children always scare you when they drive, especially when it's dark.

8. You are grateful you took this same trip so many times that you know it's shorter to take the business route through towns in Wyoming. The business route takes you through the town and right back to the interstate.

9. Fifteen miles after you got off the interstate, you swear they changed the interstate in Wyoming because it's dark and the business route hasn't taken you right back to the interstate on the other end of the town.

10. Your daughter swears, and then she swears she will always get back to the interstate the way she got off. Then she swears again that she will never, ever to listen to your directions again.

11. Still on the "business route" it's dark, and you come to a town with a population of 250. Your 14-year-old son announces that, " WE'RE LOST!" You calmly inform your children you will ask directions in the bar and you know there is a bar in this town because you've been on this same trip many times before (actually, it's becuase you know that towns with 250 people always have a bar).

12. Once back in the car you assure your teenage children that it's just as you told them, it's only a few more miles back to the interstate; both people in the bar said so. Your 14-year-old son confesses that he was scared when you were in the bar because it's dark outside, and he has always been afraid of the dark. Then he lets you know again that, "IT'S DARK OUTSIDE!"

13. You find the interstate, you feel your teenage children sigh with you, and you calmly announce that, see you knew we weren't lost - afterall you've taken this trip a million times before - and somehow it took you 1 and a half hours to go through that Wyoming town on the business route.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grateful, that your teenage children are sleeping and it's quiet, you go into the brick building where the restrooms are, lay your sweatshirt on the cold tile floor, sit down on your sweatshirt, and actually do read your assigned reading. You try to ignore the looks from other weary travelers as they enter the building, look at the universal signs for "men" and "women" on restroom doors, and enter the room with their "sign." It's so quiet and your eyes are so heavy that you almost drift off to.......

The outside door swings open and your 14-year-old son enters and announces, "WE'VE BEEN HERE TWO HOURS" and " MALIA SAYS IT'S TIME TO GO, SHE WANTS TO GET THERE.'

And we're "Back on the Road Again..."

'til next time

jamminsoul

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Somewhere far from home

I am in Santa Cruz, California with my kids. Well, sort of with my kids. My son, Thor is staying at his father's, and my daughter, Malia, is staying with friends.

I lived in Santa Cruz for about 13 years. Malia and Thor were born here. Their father and grandmother live here. They have friends here. They came to Santa Cruz to see friends and relatives. And me? I am here staying with two of the nicest women you could ever meet. I have spoken with them many times on the phone, but this trip is the first time I met them face to face. How did we meet? That is a long story and one I am not willing to share.

Coming almost 20oo miles and staying with people I have never met: am I adventurous, or just out of my mind? I am not sure how to answer that, just yet. But I'm glad I have come, and I'm glad I have finally met them.

Why did I decide to come in the first place? I'm glad you asked.
My daughter came to live with me when she turned 16. She graduated from high school in Iowa last spring and said she was going to California to see her friends. She informed me she was taking the bus....alone. By herself! I have made that trip many times and it was fine for me. But an 18 year old girl? I wasn't comfortable with it, but instead of showing my concern by screaming, I said, "Why don't you, your brother, and I take a trip together? We could drive to California, and you both can visit friends and see your dad and your grandma. I have a couple of women I talk to that I'd like to meet." And here we are...or here I am.

We've been here almost a week. I haven't done much but work on class work for my online class. It's been nice being in a quiet setting. I never realized how many interruptions I had when I was working in Iowa. Not until now, when they aren't there.

In Iowa, it's just Thor and I living together. Malia just recently moved to Des Moines where she will start college in the fall. I didn't realize until now just how many times a day I heard, "I'm hungry." "Can you take me____?" "I need ____." "Look at ____." "I'm hungry!" "I need ____." Well, you get the idea. With those interruptions it was a challenge to keep my mind in what I was working on. Here, I visit for a while, then I work. In silence, and I actually got quite a bit of work done, for about 3 days.

Today I realized more than ever how much I missed those distractions. I thought about how frustrated I got in Iowa when I was interrupted. But today I understand those interruptions are what make my son and I a family. Today I realized how close my 14 year old son and I are, and I miss him.

He came by today and I hugged him. I might have had a tear in my eye. I told Thor that I missed him, but he had come by because he needed something from his suitcase that is here. He got frustrated with my interruptions when he was trying to find something. He found it, said he loved me and left. The roles seem reversed; it's me interrupting his work today. And I know how I felt when he acted annoyed by me interrupting him. It hurt in my stomach, like I was just in the way; he had more important things on his mind. More important than me.

I learned a little about life today. I walked a few steps in my son's shoes and I didn't like how it felt. And I bet he didn't like it in Iowa when I was the one acting like he was in my way. I am glad today happened and now I know just a little more about relationships. As parents, we always do the best we can for our children. But sometimes we are wrong. I am glad I will have an opportunity to do things differently.

Thor is sleeping here tonight. His dad was too busy to spend time with him tonight. Something about doing something for a friend... I think Thor said his dad's words were, "I can't blow off my friend to hang out with you." I wonder if he will ever know how that made our son feel. I saw his eyes when he told me. I hope his father gets a chance to do things differently, but sometimes we don't understand what we do until it's too late.

We go back to Iowa in a couple of days. I am glad I came. I still don't know if I am adventurous, or out of my mind. Maybe a little of both, not too much of either that I can't still learn.

'til next time
jamminsoul

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